Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Swag Surfing

It's not the kind of thing that you would set to a Beach Boys tune. No, not even to easy listening. It's the kind of stuff that you do when you "Hop up out the bed.....(you finish the sentence)" Yes, ladies and gents it's the skillful art of "swag surfing." defines it as:

Swag Surfing 2 up, 2 down love it hate it (These thumbs came from the dictionary, no rating of my own)

To be fly and be able to move through matters in an easy manner or to be able to go through your life solely on your swagger.

Ex. I've been just swag surfing for the past few days
I'm usually not a follower of ridiculous urban phrases and cultural trends, but I've encountered a number of people in my life who fit the bill and I'd like to be able to properly diagnose them or anyone who thinks that a stellar jeans collection and some Old Spice will get them through life. And really, some people take this phrase literally and center their lives around the very idea. Like some stuff you would see listed under Religious and Political views on Facebook.

Depending on your cultural habitat swag surfing can almost rival Olympic sports. It's that really cool dude on the block or in the burb who is leasing an SUV and wears the tinted shades. He may be college educated, he may not be. In the first moments of meeting him, it doesn't matter. He's captivating. You could listen to him all day without so much as even a blink or a flinch. You'll even let him buy you dinner, if he can afford it. He'll probably talk you into something slightly indecent. You'll probably concede. Despite your lifelong reinforcement of wholesome values (life, liberty and the pursuit of social climbing), you'll readily abandon your common sense for a guy who's future plans, current spirituality, dating history, and social preferences you've never even inquired about. Yup, it's swag, and if you aren't careful, it'll GET you. Problem is, none of this is new. It's all recycled, from terms like COOL, FLY, FAR OUT, RIGHTEOUS, OUT OF SIGHT, DOPE. It's like FLY 2.0.

So, what does Swag surfing not do for me? In all it's efforts, and swag it fails to give me any hopeful perspective on dating/settling down. Why? Because it would have you to think that any man with one ounce of suave is more concerned with moving through cultural mediums with no effort rather than really seeking a meaningful relationship. Going on that assumption, we (women) will do one of two things: (1) Resign ourselves to a fling with these guys and expect that he'll never call. We rarely even try to tame them. (2) Instead we go for that guy who looks he too has "Get married by thirty" on his to do list. Luckily, I've had the opportunity to witness the reverse. Truth is, I know many "swaggalicious" men, who have decided to do the whole married with children thing. Not sure exactly how you turn a swaggart (noun form) into a husband, but it can't be as hard as turning a you know what in housewife. However they get there, they set the STANDard for at least those in their sphere of influence.

Sure, they still get the once over by women who can only wish and the occasional look of sheer and utter disappointment that they have been locked down. But, bump what cha heard, being fly isn't everything there are far too many people who can prove it. The lesson here? Fellas, the next time, you turn your swag on and it's so loud that it drowns out all voices of reason, turn it down just a little, because swag is like cologne. When used in excess, it starts to stink, reek even. You will repel ladies who can no longer see through the tinted shades that you insist on wearing in the building. :-/

After all, man cannot live on swag alone, or can he?

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